Today (I started
writing this piece midway through 2014) I was in conversation with one of my closest friends
from the past 20 odd years. Over the course of our conversation, as has lately
become topical, we strayed to the impending milestone of our rapidly
approaching 40th birthdays. That was when he made the remark that at
the time only mildly struck me. He'd said at the time that for one of the
events we were planning he would only welcome people from the core group of
friends we've known for at least 20 years. In
his mind (I'm assuming) those of us
who've been close over that passage of time have surely become true lifelong
comrades in arms.
At the time I mildly agreed with him, even though I
must say I didn't give it too much thought. However this evening as I make my
way home from the office (a bit later
than my missus would like) I find myself scrolling through pictures on Instagram
and one in particular reminds me of its author, my bosom buddy from boarding
school. This dude was my partner in art in High School. We were both gifted
illustrators inspired by the comic art form promoted by DC and Marvel Comics.
By the time we were in the first year of our Senior Secondary School, we had
created a pantheon of super heroes (and villains) to rival anything Stan Lee’s
legendary mind could conceive.
I find myself musing over his odd choice of hobby and
visual (maybe even musical) interests. I recall he'd said he was going to be in
Nigeria a few weeks back, and his posts on Instagram confirmed as much. I
suddenly find myself wondering (again) how come he never reached out like I'd
asked him to. Surely he must have had access to a phone (seeing as NITEL's
stranglehold on the telecommunications monopoly has long since been broken), and
even in the absence of a phone there is the same Internet which he used to
share those pictures on Instagram.
So my dear friend, I can't but wonder, what gives?
Have the years since 1989 meant an irretrievable loss of our once unparalleled
companionship and the camaraderie we once shared? Would
I be correct to conclude that while we may be friendly to one another, we can
no longer truly regard each other as close friends?
This
experience called for some introspection, and I’ve had to question myself about
my attitudes towards friendship, what it means to me, and reflecting on some
observations I’ve made since my time as an undergraduate of the University of
Lagos.
At some stage in primary school I became a loner, and while I got along with a few classmates in boarding school, the reality is, there are very few of those people I graduated Secondary School with that I can truly claim to be my friends (in the true sense of the word). Many of us may have been friendly with each other, but that owed more to our common passage through a certain place at a certain time, than because of any sentimental attachment. I doubt I could count more than five I wanted to keep in touch with after 1990; and in truth we didn’t – I only remained actively in touch with one or two. For the rest of my classmates, we didn’t catch up every so often, we didn’t call or write, and we didn’t run into each other, whether by choice or by chance, your guess is as good as mine.
As
the years went by, my convictions were only re-affirmed; beyond secondary school
it felt like we had nothing in common. Being classmates merely made us regular
acquaintances. On the two occasions when I brought myself to attend the class
re-union, there were a few laughs and a few smiles, but I felt like an
impostor; I was a stranger among these guys. They had probably learnt to
cultivate each other or consciously did all those years; needless to say, I had
not. In hindsight, I recognise that my friend (he of the artistic inclination) was probably like me and couldn’t
be bothered to reach out. In fairness
some people just wanted to leave that whole experience behind them.
The
saying goes, “we may not always be able
to choose our family; but thank God we can choose our friends”.
As
an undergraduate I’d say I found for maybe the first time, people I was
prepared to be myself with and open up to (including
She who would become my Partner in life). As a Freshman I already knew Seun (courtesy of Top Tutors) it was he
who housed me through that year (when I
was resident on campus) and through him I met Dayo and Dipo. Mudi entered the fray a few weeks into
our first semester and the circle grew. Jiro’s
car became our official carriage, when he wasn’t away dodging bullets and
grenades in Ekpoma. Babajimi was a
Freshman Law Student (as were Seun and I) and by our second year I was living
in his flat. This brought Deinma and Yinka into the picture. The Rogues
gallery doesn’t by any means end there…
Year
one of Uni-Lag was like a fusion of steroids, music, dance, mayhem and
cacophony. We were young, we were brash, we thought we were the hippest kids in
the school, and we definitely thought we’d live forever. We fooled around and
weren’t ashamed to make fools of ourselves and did this privately and publicly
(in the Quadrangle under the Senate
Building) very, very often. I still remember some of the slangs we created,
defined and that crazy hand/leg shake that ended in a backward lunge, chai!
We
were sometimes loud, sometimes noisy, sometimes in trouble, and sometimes
having what we thought to be fun. Eventually we discovered where the school
library was and what it was for (studying
apparently! Who’d have guessed), and we learnt to support and be there for
each other. We graduated, we got jobs, we got married, we became parents, and
we’re getting fat (except for BJ),
grey and older (except for that sell-out who
lives near my house and likes to do silly things like Insanity).
I find
myself the odd one out when I hear conversations about High School reunions,
and how people are connecting with their old buddies. I can’t relate. For those
who can and who do (including you Mister
Abayomi!!!), nice one; it’s just something that doesn’t resonate with me. I
was fortunate to forge my friendships with a group of precocious young Turks
most of whom were born in the year of the Tiger. Like me they were finding
themselves, had a worldview that mirrored mine, and were willing to embark on
the same journey of discovery that we all seemed to have signed up for. They
have inspired me, taught me, challenged me, emboldened me, and counselled me. We
have gone from boys to young men, and are still growing together.
I’m
thankful for the experience so far and remain grateful for their friendship. They
have let me be me and because of them I can publicly come out in the open and
say…
I
am Batman.
/IamMaverick
06Aug2015
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